Today I find myself reflecting on love. Reflecting on the many definitions I made up for it over the years. Love makes me feel good, love does what I want it when I want it to. As I've matured over the years through heartache and infatuation I've come to realize that love is an action. It's a choice to be patient, to be kind, to endure, to bear all things, to NOT give up or fail. Love is taking the I and Me out of conversations and replacing it with You. I once knew a man, called him friend, called him lover. I thought I knew what it meant to love him until I walked away from him, determined it was for the best. He tried so hard to stay in my life but I pushed him away. I said it was to protect him, I consoled myself with the notion that "I wasn't what he needed, I wasn't good enough". In reality I was protecting myself, for as close as I allowed him into my life I still hid so much of what I thought he wouldn't accept or love. I made decisions for the both of us that I had no right to make. Though he stood by me through many trials, I did not stand by him. Years later, I stand aware of who I am, who I once was and who I'm called to be. I only want to bless this man's life in any way that I can. With or without me I'm sure he'll continue to succeed in all he does as he continues to commit his ways to the Father's will. I love him, I truly do...but love is an action that I must continue to display without regard to possible return on any investment I make.
© 2012 by Elaine Glover
I close with a poem I heard recited in a movie by the incomparable Maya Angelou. It reminds me that love is not all roses...but it is beautiful, if we so choose to endure and live it out.
In & Out of Time by Maya Angelou
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.
