The Staircase

I took a stroll with the Lord today. He led me to a long staircase in the middle of a park surrounded by wilderness. And since I had just come from a two-hour workout at the gym (alright, I spent one hour in between the steam room, sauna and shower) I looked up at the massive staircase looming before me and said aloud "Lord are you serious? Do you really want me to go up there right now?"

And almost as if you chuckled a little, my heart heard your reply.

"This staircase is your life. With each few steps there is a landing, a place to rest. But of course, you're not meant to stay there. For at the top of the staircase, beyond where you can see, awaits a beautiful destiny held only for you. A place I am preparing for your arrival. Now from down there, you can only see a few flights of stairs so you will have to rust in me. And though all around you is wilderness and worn paths to the unknown, I've made this path just for you and I to travel on and I will keep you safe. Stay on course and follow me as my spirit guides. When I lead you a landing, to a place of rest, do just that...Rest. For before you lies another set of stairs and along with it another piece of the puzzle to your completion. Walk and by faith you will find all you seek."

Thank you Lord for speaking to me in such a special and real way. I will rest now, knowing that there lies so much more before me and trusting that you are my guide. I know that your plan for my life will lead me straight to your heavenly throne. I love you. I am your humbled servant and slave, for you are the Lord of my life. Lead me home.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase..." Martin Luther King Jr.   

Dying to Live

Many days have passed since I've written anything, not that the power of your Holy Spirit isn't transforming me...but perhaps I thought so me things were better kept to myself. But yesterday I experienced such an intimate moment in worship I find it necessary to share.

I stood in service  praising the Lord in song as the worship leader shared about a personal experience in which God moved on her behalf...and instantaneously my heart remembered all of the times I have been delivered from the consequences of my own sin and circumstances beyond my control.

I remember the nights I cried in  the hospital unsure of whether or not my unborn child would survive while battling the thoughts in my mind that I would not. Tomorrow I will celebrate my  eldest son's 9th birthday. God has been faithful.

I remember walking into a home I never should have been in and not knowing if I'd be able to walk out because the man in the home was high as a kite and holding a shotgun...but God saw me through that horrible situation. And because he has I know there must be a plan for me.  

One night spent in jail I met my maker...we had a one on one conversation. He told me that he loved me in spite of my flaws and because of them. He told me that he created me perfect in sight and unique. He said my flaws and faults remind me that I can't do a thing without him , His power works best in my weakness. 

He showed his love for me every time I've fallen...and most importantly he loved me when he bore the cross for  my sake.He died for me, so that in Him I can live.And I die to myself everyday...so that in me, He can live. 

I want nothing in this life if it doesn't bring you the glory Lord. I am seeking you, come dwell in me...all the days of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reconciliation

Matthew 5:23-24

23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.




Thank you. Thank you Lord for the healing and breakthrough you given me today. It has been a culmination of all that you have to begin to do in me within the last two weeks.

From the moment I walked into your house I knew something would be changed, I knew that I had to do something. Throughout praise & worship I drew closer to your throne and you held me tightly in your arms. You were preparing me for something. At the time I didn't know what it could be. As your message of showing love to least of these went forth my open heart observed and absorbed all that you were saying. And then I saw her.

I looked straight in from of me and knew it had to be her sitting in the front row. She had once been my closest, most trusted friend. And I over the years lost sight of that and in turn caused her indescribable pain. I had once made a poor attempt at a confession and apology. I knew she deserved more. She deserved to hear my voice, to see my repentance and decide for herself. As my heart tugged at me I knew what I had to do. I knew that it was time.

And so I went. I cast all fear and pride aside and I went to her. My heart pounding inside me anticipating her reaction, thinking of the possible rejection. I walked up to her, took a deep breath and called her name. She turned to face me, startled to find it was I who had called her name. And looking into my eyes, she knew why I had come. Before I could say anything else she embraced me. And my heart both broken and healed received her tender mercy. I cried in the crook of her neck how sorry I was for hurting her, for not being a good friend to her. I asked for her forgiveness and told her how much I loved her.

She told me that she had forgiven me long ago and had wanted to to come and talk but like me didn't for so long. We shared how proud we are of each other and I told her how beautiful she has always been and how often she filled my prayers. We hugged each other tightly just like we had the day she left for Georgia, back when I was thirteen and still so very innocent. We promised we would speak next week and I knew we sincerely meant it. We left that embrace better off than we had previously been...reconciled with one another.

Thank you Lord, thank you. I never thought this day would come or myself worthy of her forgiveness, friendship or love. I stand yet again amazed at your love, amazed at your plans.

Birds - an observation

Birds sing even in the rain. Life is much like the weather. While you generally know what season you're in, you cannot fully predict nor attempt to control the ever-changing weather. While yesterday brought sunshine and warmth, this morning brought with it clouds and rain. Rain that will nourish the soil and cause things to grow. Lord I do hope that the rainy days in my life have the same affect. That they nourish the soil within me causing life to spring forth.


And still I notice this One constant...the birds still sing. Whether or not the sun is shining. Whether they are wet or dry, cold or hot. Lord may I sing as they do, in rain or shine.

Reflecting on Love

" To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell." -C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Our God is so faithful. I think of my own life and how he has continuously pursued me, relentlessly intent on capturing my heart. He has quieted my life so as to reveal himself to me in ways I had never imagined. In finding out who he is in my life, my savior, my lover, my creator...I have begun to find out who I am. Who he has called me to be. He is answering the deepest of questions in my heart...He has called me lovely. This morning I was reading a psalm that seems to capture just a moment of what the last few days have been between me and my lover.

"Beautiful words stir my heart.
I will recite a lovely poem about the king,
for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet.

You are the most handsome of all.
Gracious words stream from your lips...

Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart
what I say.

Forget your people and your family far away.
For your royal husband delights in your beauty;
honor him; for he is your lord. " Psalm 45:1-2,10-11

Sometimes we must be completely still to hear His voice,
to be sensitive to his touch and open to his will.
Thank you Lord for this time of renewal,
for the healing waters that flow through me.
Thank you for opening my heart to the hope of tomorrow,
to the promise of restoration.
And so I will dare to love...deeply.
I will build relationships which encourage, uplift and inspire.
I am at rest in the beauty you see in me,
in the beauty I now see in myself.
I will strive no longer for what this world has to offer,
for in you alone I am complete.