Winter

Winter again. It's as if my entire universe is frozen over, snow-capped mountaintops and desolate ice-glazed fields. No fruit in sight, no life sprouting up to usher in spring. At least not above the surface of my soul.
If only seasons of our life were like seasons of the year, with a definitive beginning and end. Then at least hope would be more apparent. But there's no winter or summer solstice in the seasons of my soul. It seems as though time doesn't exist in this dimension...only it does. But perhaps I haven't learned to read it yet. Though there is one who can, for he designed this season for a purpose. He is the Author and I am the pen in his hand. The story's already told in His mind, complete and whole. Lacking nothing.
And I...I'm watching it unfold before my eyes, in the darkest of places I am being fashioned into a new creation and clinging to the promise of a happy ending.

©2012 by Elaine Glover

Weather

Weather. Funny thing how yesterday brought summer like warmth yet this morning as I left for the day the cold winter air greeted me with its familiar chill. I was so hopeful that the winter days were over that I wore yesterday's jacket leaving me exposed and unprepared for the cold I faced this morning. It's as though God is saying clearly to me "this season's not quite finished. Keep your hat, gloves and heavy coat handy or you'll wish you had it in the days ahead."
I finished a book this morning that challenged me to savor the sweetness found in bitter times, to create something beautiful out of my brokenness and to tell my story acknowledging that only I can. It's not for me that I write, though I know it heals to get it out of my mind and onto paper. I write for all those who will read it and need encouragement, the way that others words have lifted me out of dark times. They've encouraged me to persevere, they've comforted me and commiserated with me in my loneliness. They've inspired me and challenged me. In telling their stories they've spoken to me in such a powerful way that I am capable of telling my own.
Perhaps not all at once, because my biography is far from complete...but one day at a time. One triumph, one failure. One love, one heartbreak. One birth and one devastating loss at a time. And I will do it...with every poem I write, with every song I sing. With every line I recite and every word I publish.
I will tell my story because it's not mine at all...it's His. And it deserves to be heard. Weather or not the winter's over. Whether or not I think I'm ready to share.

© 2012 by Elaine Glover

Healing

I realized today that I don't think of you anymore, that the sound of your name no longer triggers memories of what used to be. Another face, another heart, another love replaced it without even trying. Little by little my mind and heart took control back...control I subconsciously gave you over my happiness. But really you're not relevant anymore...not that I wish you any harm but simply don't care. Your happiness doesn't affect my joy...and my joy has nothing to do with you. I'm content where I am, with who I am...

This is the art of healing...learning that you can't continue to put band aids over open wounds, sometimes they just need to be cleaned and left to breathe so the skin can dry and repair itself. Then a scab forms over it and all we can see is the hideous reminder of our trauma. But if we leave it alone, if we don't pick at it...it eventually peels away revealing new, untouched skin. I suppose somewhere along the way I stopped picking at the scab...I can barely see the scar now. A scar that reminds me that he can heal anything, he can resurrect new life from death...if only we leave it in His hands.


© 2012 by Elaine Glover

In and Out of Time

Today I find myself reflecting on love. Reflecting on the many definitions I made up for it over the years. Love makes me feel good, love does what I want it when I want it to. As I've matured over the years through heartache and infatuation I've come to realize that love is an action. It's a choice to be patient, to be kind, to endure, to bear all things, to NOT give up or fail. Love is taking the I and Me out of conversations and replacing it with You. I once knew a man, called him friend, called him lover. I thought I knew what it meant to love him until I walked away from him, determined it was for the best. He tried so hard to stay in my life but I pushed him away. I said it was to protect him, I consoled myself with the notion that "I wasn't what he needed, I wasn't good enough". In reality I was protecting myself, for as close as I allowed him into my life I still hid so much of what I thought he wouldn't accept or love. I made decisions for the both of us that I had no right to make. Though he stood by me through many trials, I did not stand by him. Years later, I stand aware of who I am, who I once was and who I'm called to be. I only want to bless this man's life in any way that I can. With or without me I'm sure he'll continue to succeed in all he does as he continues to commit his ways to the Father's will. I love him, I truly do...but love is an action that I must continue to display without regard to possible return on any investment I make.

© 2012 by Elaine Glover

I close with a poem I heard recited in a movie by the incomparable Maya Angelou. It reminds me that love is not all roses...but it is beautiful, if we so choose to endure and live it out.

In & Out of Time by Maya Angelou

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

"My Utmost for His Highest" A reflection

"I'm determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone." Reflection based on Phil. 1:20

Lord so often it seems I come to this crisis of faith. Choosing between your will and my own, seeing barely the first step in yours and the full schematic design in mine. Reason would say to choose me. But reason is at times a liar and so I go with the Holy Spirit that whispers "Surrender. My child I know what's best, lay it down. Light a fire to it and offer it up to me. Fear not for I am with you. I alone am your heart's desire, I alone can quench your thirst. These dreams are all counterfeit if I didn't write them. Lose yourself in me and find me in you."

© 2011 by Elaine Glover

Rebuild

Broken down walls reflect a broken down people
Tattered streets strewn with trash
Bare witness to the tattered hearts
Discarded, displaced
Knee deep in despair




We dig beneath the rubble
Praying for signs of life
We tell them to hold on
To cling to hope
But where is ours?

Is it in man?
Who can only do but so much
Or is it in a God who can do the impossible?

God who within me placed a dream
Not for myself, but for His people
A dream to rebuild the ruined walls
To heal the broken bodies beneath the rubble
To show a cynical world that He is God

So take in hand your weapons and your tools
and complete the work that He has given you to do

© 2011 by Elaine Glover

Sacrifice

"So the Lord said to him, "Bring me a heifer, a goat and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon." Abram brought all these to him, cut them in two and arranged the halves opposite each other; the birds, however, he did not cut in half. Then the birds of prey came down on the carcasses, but Abram drove them away." - Gen. 15: 9-11

As I meditated on this portion of scripture this morning, the following questions came into my mind:

How often does our sacrifice come under attack as we lay it on the altar?
Do we respond as Abram did by driving the birds of prey away or do we allow these vultures to take what we are giving to the Lord?

If we would fight to keep our sacrifice on the altar as Abram did we would see God's hand move on our behalf and experience what it truly means to see God's covenant fulfilled in our lives.

My final question to myself and anyone whose eyes have glanced across this page...
How far are we willing to go to keep our sacrifice on the altar?

© 2011 by Elaine Glover