Winter

Winter again. It's as if my entire universe is frozen over, snow-capped mountaintops and desolate ice-glazed fields. No fruit in sight, no life sprouting up to usher in spring. At least not above the surface of my soul.
If only seasons of our life were like seasons of the year, with a definitive beginning and end. Then at least hope would be more apparent. But there's no winter or summer solstice in the seasons of my soul. It seems as though time doesn't exist in this dimension...only it does. But perhaps I haven't learned to read it yet. Though there is one who can, for he designed this season for a purpose. He is the Author and I am the pen in his hand. The story's already told in His mind, complete and whole. Lacking nothing.
And I...I'm watching it unfold before my eyes, in the darkest of places I am being fashioned into a new creation and clinging to the promise of a happy ending.

©2012 by Elaine Glover

Healing

I realized today that I don't think of you anymore, that the sound of your name no longer triggers memories of what used to be. Another face, another heart, another love replaced it without even trying. Little by little my mind and heart took control back...control I subconsciously gave you over my happiness. But really you're not relevant anymore...not that I wish you any harm but simply don't care. Your happiness doesn't affect my joy...and my joy has nothing to do with you. I'm content where I am, with who I am...

This is the art of healing...learning that you can't continue to put band aids over open wounds, sometimes they just need to be cleaned and left to breathe so the skin can dry and repair itself. Then a scab forms over it and all we can see is the hideous reminder of our trauma. But if we leave it alone, if we don't pick at it...it eventually peels away revealing new, untouched skin. I suppose somewhere along the way I stopped picking at the scab...I can barely see the scar now. A scar that reminds me that he can heal anything, he can resurrect new life from death...if only we leave it in His hands.


© 2012 by Elaine Glover

Untitled

You've turned my heart of stone
into a heart of flesh
that it might love gain
that it might dare to believe it does exist
beyond the brokenness

Beyond the darkness
is the day,
beyond the rain, thunder and lightning
is a promise in the sky
arched and brightly arrayed

my heart receives it
and responds with hope

While My Heart's Breaking

“If we must part forever, Give me but one kind word to think upon,

And please myself with, while my heart’s breaking.” ~Thomas Otway

This past week has brought so many things I could not have imagined, and while many will take weeks and months to process...I must address the state of my heart.

It is broken. Shattered in pieces too numerous to count, and though there is one who can restore, rebuild and renew...the pain I am feeling is indescribable.

So instead, I will describe the love we shared. It was natural, not forced or put on. I grew closer with every conversation we had, with every moment we shared and it was divine. While I cannot predict the future, my hope and faith lies in him who has never failed me and has foreseen every minute of my life as he himself is the Author of it. Today he holds me a little bit closer as he collects the fragmented pieces of me which lie shattered on the ground. He has promised to rebuild me like he rebuilds his holy city and in him alone I put my faith.

The hardest day yet since we parted...I had today. To see you walking towards me, seemingly whole, seemingly fine...while all within me cried out to you "Why? Why? Was I not enough? Was I too much? Was our love not enough?" All of this emotion causing me to run away, rather than face the facts. I am no longer yours, and you are not mine. This is not FOREVER.

FOREVER is gone.